Matt Sweet

First, congratulations to the reader who found my website by doing a Google search for "Uninteresting urethra excerpts." I felt that was worth mentioning.

I had a major snafu with my PDA a couple of weeks ago. (For those who are interested, I have a Dell Axim, which I love.) The upshot is that when I went to sync it with my computer, it changed all the times of my appointments. This means that I have been missing appointments with clients left and right.

Happily, I have fixed the problem. Unhappily, when I miss an appointment with a client, I give the next one away free of charge. (Hey--it's only fair, right? I charge them for appointments that they miss, so I give them a credit for those that I miss.) The unhappy part is that I have been working for free for the past couple of days, and this trend will continue into this weekend. And as much as I love my clients, I don't like dipping into savings to cover overhead.

Grrrr.....

News:

Al Gore reminds us why he lost the 2000 election. Here's a quote: "The debates aren't a time for rhetorical tricks. It's a time for an honest contest of ideas." Senator Kerry: DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS MAN.

You say a 4-year old could paint that? You're right. And she's pretty good.

Ask Jeez. "Hey Jeez! What's up with this?"

Because my real life is boring.

As of late, Martha Stewart's little troubles have been weighing on my heart. So last night I took a quick trip to the 24-hour farmer's market and picked up some fresh Caribou cheese (imported from Lapland) and some sugar cane, which I proceeded to process into refined sugar (I just don't trust the pre-made kind). I whipped up a nice little sweet cheese tart--the kind that Martha raved over on her last visit, but that's another story!--and wrapped it up in a nice lace toile. Then, I tied a little bow on the top. I enclosed a hand-written note (not written by me, silly--I keep a monk skilled in calligraphy chained up in my basement just for this kind of occasion) expressing words of encouragement, and sent the whole thing via Rickshaw to Martha's home. Nothing says "Thinking of you" more than a Rickshaw-delivered tart, I always say.

News:

This little game is good for wasting a few hours.

Understanding the Terror Alert Colors, from Betty Bowers.

That Man and John Kerry had the same debate coach at Yale. Who the hell cares? People need to move away from the idea that Presidential Debates are a contest between rational minds. The Presidential Debates are the battleground for the hearts of the American people, and the American people don't know the difference between affirming the consequent and amphibology, and they don't care. Joe Lunchbox NASCAR Dad wants a man he can have a beer with; Sally Housecoat Soccer Mom wants someone she thinks will keep her children safe. The candidate who has the most swagger, the most charisma, will win the debates.

It's Monday morning and I slept well last night, so I'm feeling fine. Here's how the weekend went down.

Saturday: I worked in the morning, and in the evening Jay, Bill, Laura and I saw the movie What The Bleep Do We Know? It was a fascinating blend of quantum mechanics, psychology, and spirituality. I recommend it. On a personal level, it's nice to know that theoretical physics supports what I've believed to be true about the world all along. Points for me.

Sunday Jay and I took my parents to see Sky Captain, which was a fun movie. Nothing too serious, nothing to think about, just pretty looking stuff and special effects.

And that's it.

Well, except that on Sunday I also went grocery shopping. I ran into a neighbor, who stopped to chat. The grocery clerk recognized me and asked after Jason, popped her gum and called me "Hon." Is there anything better in life than that? I think not.

Stuff to see and do:

St Mary's College gets taken for a ride. Basically, someone promised them $112 million, but that someone didn't actually have the money. This is a problem because St Mary's, whose motto is apparently "Blind Faith in All Things," built a new science center before actually getting the donation. Brilliant!

A Contraversial idea for the renewal of the city of Detroit: Create a district known as "African Town" to foster black businesses. Some people think this is an excellent way to foster minority-owned business. Other people think it is racist pandering. My readers can draw their own conclusions.

Futuristic transportation images from the 1940s. Very cool

Oh, and in blog news: The comment feature on my blog is still fucked up. You can leave comments, but it won't change the count unless I go to Haloscan myself and update the count manually. I don't know why this is. I'll look into it.

2. Do you talk to yourself?
All the time. Other people comment on it. It helps me focus.

3. Describe your relationship with your co-workers:
I'm pretty laid back at work, so I get along with almost everyone at work. I'm kind of close with a couple of coworkers. And a few of us go out after work, so I'm happy with my coworkers.

4. Have you ever done karaoke?
Yes, several times. Most recently was about a month ago, I sang, "Witchcraft" by Frank Sinatra--badly.

5. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No. Nothing I have ever seen, in my personal life, or in my professional life, and nothing I have ever read in psychological literature has ever suggested that love at first sight is possible. And fundamentally, I believe that we choose who we love based on personality traits, and on the way that other people make us feel.

I think that lust is possible at first sight, or maybe some mild form of puppy love, but based on what I know from working with couples and from my personal experience, I don't think that real, true love is possible before about two years of any given relationship. People always flip when I say that, but hey... I didn't make the rules.

News:

Bob Herbert takes That Man to task in this opinion piece. (Ed: Make sure you click on the "That Man" link in this one. Trust me.)

The dot-com boom went bust a few years ago, but enterprising people can still find a way to get rich of the internet.

This website devoted to bad album covers is so funny I laughed out loud. That's also where I got the picture at the top.

Amazingly, Toby commented on my last post. That means that Toby reads my blog. I feel like I've just discovered that a celebrity is living in my basement.

OK, so I'm a freak. You fucking love it.

Oh... does anyone else cry when they see Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? No? Well... forget I mentioned it.

News:

I've been wanting to do one of these for a while, and I finally did. 100 things about me will now replace my previous "About Me" page. Yes, that's news.

James McGreevey does something pretty cool. Read about it.

The flash drive becomes a fashion statement. So did the pocket protector, my friends.

My Little Pony meets the Borg. We are Hasbro. Resistance is futile.

Honestly, if my life doesn't get more exciting soon I'm going to just give up the whole blogging thing. So welcome to...

Excerpts From the Blog of The Gay Man Who Is Prettier and Who Gets Laid More Than You Do

Yesterday was a rather uninteresting day at work. Yes, my job is usually fascinating, since I am a personal trainer and fluffer for gay porn actors. But yesterday I was just not into the whole, "Feel your pecs burn like your urethra, baby" kind of thing. I was, gentle reader, feeling ennui.

When I feel ennui, I usually like to stand in front of a mirror and admire my perfect abs. While I was doing this, I was approached by a beautiful man (Perhaps I should use the mirror at home, and not the one in the gym?) with dark brown hair and lite blue eyes. He looked at me, and in a deep baritone voice, said, "Want to come back to my place?"

Four hours later I lit up a cigarette and felt a little better. In fact, my usual dinner of Crystal Meth and Protein Powder tasted extra sweet.

Big Doings:

It turns out that student loan companies are screwing the government as well as us graduates. Good to know it wasn't anything personal.

Patriotic items for fanatical flagwavers here. Make sure you scroll all the way to the bottom to see "Confeddy Freddy."

Gay couples decry discrimination at country clubs. And they say we're a bung of spoiled white people. Please! Look at how they discriminate against us! Just look! Seriously, read this article for such inspiring quotes as "Marriage is the social bedrock on which country club policies have been built."

Christians need love, too! So they're marketing romance novels at them.

Not a whole lot happened last night. I watched wrestling, Jay and I talked, I went to bed at a reasonable hour. This morning I got up and came to work.

More exciting stuff:

That Man is begining to sound like "Baghdad Bob". Read the column; judge for yourself. This article is long, but worth a read. It's about children who testify that they were sexually abused, but who in reality weren't. The article, like so many others of its ilk, leans towards blaiming therapists for causing "False Abuse Memory Syndrome." However, if you read closely, you begin to notice that it's often the police who pressure young children to testify about false abuse.

This article about stopping people from killing themselves is interesting.

The infinite cat project. Really, really cool

The weekend went down like this:

Friday night Jay and I played poker with Jay's co-workers. I came in second, which means I won some money. Whoo-hoo!

Saturday evening we went with Bill and Laura to see Ghost in the Shell 2. It was good, but the kind of movie that makes you want to take a nap afterwards. Maybe, after I spend some time thinking about it, I'll post a review here.

Sunday we had brunch with Carrie, and then we hit the Ferndale art fair, where I spent my poker winnings. I picked up a piece of glass art that looks like something done by Dale Chihuly, and a little metal sculpture for the yard. Jay bought a painting by a man named Pervis Watkins. It is titled "I hate my mother for naming me 'Pervis'."

Speaking of Carrie, I would like to welcome Carrie to the world of blogging! Find her over at Nothing Creative. You'll laugh, you'll cry. Trust me.

Discussion topics:

People are making a big deal about Martha Stewart Living's October Cover, because it is black. Martha always goes a little crazy for Halloween, though.

Maureen Dowd makes some good points.

This cartoon makes me laugh.

Conservatives may be out-breeding Liberals. This reminds me of a piece from The Onion.

1. How much TV do you watch?
Way too much. Probably about 2 hours a day. I know... I know... I should be out organizing vegan potlucks or starting a compost cooperative or going to drum circles. But I'm watching TV instead. Sue me.

2. What is your favorite type of programming?
It's well documented that I like really, really terrible programming. Like Brotherly Love and Saved by the Bell. Currently, I watch Charmed and Amish in the City. I also watch professional wrestling whenever I can. Oh, like you're so perfect.

3. What is your favorite TV show?
Ever? Of all time? There are a lot. All in the Family springs to mind, as does The Carol Burnett Show. And, of course, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Angel. My favorite show of all time, though: The Critic.

4. Do you watch a TV show from beginning to end, or are you a flipper?
I flip, but only during commercials, and only to see hot men. So I often flip to MTV while the TV is trying to sell me something.

5. Could you give up TV for a month?
Actually, I could. But you'd have to take it away from me, because the temptation of having it in my living room is too great. But yes, I could live without it. I'd just reat a lot instead.

News:

The City of New York faces legal action because of the way they treated protesters. Hmmm... conspiracy theory forming...

"Bend over and enjoy it" is their official slogan.

In honor of the Ryder Cup, which is being held a few miles north of my house, I give you this fun little game.

One more thing: In blog-news, I had a little problem with the counter on my comments recently, that I didn't notice until yesterday. Haloscan provides a nice little "Reset" button, though, so it's all fixed now.

Last night Jay said to me: "You know, too much unconditional love can really take the fight out of someone."

Indeed.

Also, this conversation, while watching Amish in the City:

Jay: She's getting a puppy?
Me: Don't the know that bad things happen on reality shows when the ditzy blonde girl gets a puppy?
Jay: I thought we all learned that in The Real World: London.
Me: That's the problem--no one knows their reality TV history.
Jay: Kids these days.

News:

Google logos that didn't make the final cut. Funny.

Secret diaries of the Fellowship of the Ring.

I love Molly Ivins, and not just because she called Sean Hannity a "ridiculous little blowhard." Go Molly!