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Thursday, October 27, 2005
Friday culture and a hottie [+/-] Click for the culture...Got MILF? That's right... today I'm talking about Hamlet. Unfortunately, Hamlet is one of those sublime works you have to read at an age when you can't wait to get back to Steven King's latest smoldering pile of dog crap. The themes of an imperfect life, struggling with a flawed world, cognitive dissonance, and tragic endings are often lost on high schoolers. (It's a little like listening to Avril Lavigne singing "Uh huh... life's like that." One can't help but wonder what the hell she knows about what life is like.) Read it again as an adult, or even better--see it performed. (If you are ever given the choice between reading and watching Shakespeare, choose to watch him. The Bard intended these things to be performed, not read.) You might notice things as an adult that you missed as a child--or that they weren't really allowed to talk about in school. For example... it's fairly obvious that Hamlet is boffing Ophelia throughout the play. But did you know that when Ophelia gives her random list of herbs in Act V scene iv, she lists rue--a fairly common abortifacient ? There's rosemary, that's for remembrance; pray, Go read the whole play. See what you've been missing. Today's hottie is Sean Maher, star of the movie Serenity, which is totally worth seeing.    
Harried Miers
It's about time someone took this nomination behind the woodshed and shot it..
I mean, she had no judicial experience--and beyond that, no experience with Constitutional law. Her only credential appeared to be that she was willing to wax That Man's bunghole with her tongue whenever the TV cameras were focused on her. However, now that Mme. Miers is out of the running, I worry that That Man will dig deep into the bowels of Hell and produce an even more insidious nomination.  "Always two there are, no more, no less. A Master and an Apprentice."
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Keeping up with the Joneses*
Oh, I'm feeling angst today.
Things I could write about to make my blog more popular, judging by the regular content of one particularly popular gay blog: Fat people sure are gross, aren't they? Things I could write about to make my blog less popular, judging by the regular content of the same blog: Literature. *Did you know that the phrase "Keeping up with the Joneses" probably originally referred to the family of the American author Edith Wharton? What? A literary reference? Now watch as the readership of my blog plummets!
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Links
I'm sure you've heard that Rosa Parks died last night.
The coolest laptop covers I've ever seen. Turn your iPod shuffle into religious jewelry. Or, you could turn it into a vampire. I'm not the only geek in the world who wants to be Batman.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Monday meme
Scott tagged no one in particular with this little meme, but since I'm too lazy to come up with an actual post, I'm going to do it. Also, my results are just way too good not to share.
Visit Google.com, and put your first name followed by the word needs in quotations in Google's search box and click the 'Google Search' button. Write down the top 10 results. Here are the results: 1. Matt needs to not play every little blog meme that comes along. (Ha!) 2. Matt needs new liver, please help. 3. Matt needs spaz. 4. Matt needs tasks. 5. Matt needs money. 6. Matt needs a job. 7. Matt needs a HOOKER. 8. Matt needs help. 9. Matt Needs to Stay Awake. 10. Matt needs to have his bottom bared and a paddling needs to be administered.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Friday culture and a hottie [+/-] Click for the culture...Niccolo Paganini was an Italian violinist and composer who lived from 1782-1840. Like many virtuosos, he eventually started writing his own music so that he would be able to play pieces that showcased his technical skill. Paganini was a rock star in his day--and may have the dubious distinction of being the first musician associated with Satan. His music was so difficult, and his technique was so flawless, many people believed that he had sold his soul to the devil in order to play like he did. Paganini was very tall, and often appeared disheveled with wild, unkempt hair said to resemble horns--all of this contributed to the rumors of Satanic involvement. Additionally, it is said that Paganini never practiced after reaching age 30; from that point on in his life he simply played. Listen to Soovin Kim playing Paganini's Caprice No. 11. Today's hottie is John Cena, a 28-year-old professional wrestler.   
Thursday, October 20, 2005
...as a bee.
Busy...
Pointy... Yellow and black... With as much hatred for the honey-loving, thick-skinned black bear... Apian... Tasty to my cat... (This is what dorks do in their free time.)
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
The score is man: one; machine: zero.
By now, everyone has probably already seen that cute little program that will tell you whatever you are thinking of in twenty questions or fewer? Someone bet me a chocolate doughnut that I wouldn't be able to think of something that the computer couldn't guess. Well, where there's baked goods, there's a way. And, having proved successfully that the computer couldn't identify The Tao within 20 questions, I am now happily feasting on a doughnut. Mmmm... victory doughnut.
20. I guessed that it was a bottle of pop? Wrong. 19. Do you hold it when you use it? Yes. 18. Is it smaller than a loaf of bread? Unknown. 17. Would you pay to use it? Yes. 16. Would you use it daily? Yes. 15. Is it white? Irrelevant. 14. Is it delivered? Sometimes. 13. Does it fold up easily? Sometimes. 12. Do you put your name on it? No. 11. Does it open? Yes. 10. Does it have pages? Irrelevant. 9. Is it used for communications? Sometimes. 8. Does it display information? Sometimes. 7. Can it bend without breaking? Sometimes. 6. Can it fit in an envelope? Irrelevant. 5. Does it have a hard outer shell? Irrelevant. 4. Is it electronic? Irrelevant. 3. Is it found on a desk? Sometimes. 2. Can it cheer you up? Irrelevant. 1. It is classified as Other. Tonight, as you all know, is the Night of Sloth, during which I consume vast quantities of fried chicken and cheap red wine. Then, I immerse myself in water, as my vast girth causes too much strain on my legs for me to remain on dry land. So, in case your wondering, I'm busy later.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Link-tastic
Winner of the Most Disturbing Seus-Meets-Poe Parody Award: Horton Hears a Heart.
To each his own, and it having sex with a Real Doll does it for you, I guess that's your own business. (The link is work-safe.) A list of made-up words from the Simpsons. I like the words "craptacular" and "embiggen." Here is a gown designed to be worn by suicidal patients and inmates. The picture is worth the click.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Avenue Q
I started listening to the Avenue Q soundtrack today at lunch. These lyrics come from the song "It Sucks to be Me:"
"...But with hard work I earn two Master's Degrees In social work! And now I a therapist! But I have no clients and I have an unemployed fiance'! And we have lots of bills to pay! It suck to be me! It suck to be me! I say it Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka- Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka- Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka- Suck! It suck to be me!" I laughed to hard I couldn't breathe, and then I cried so hard I fell out of my chair.
Short, boring little post
Jay and I went apple picking with our friends Carrie, Jennifer, and Mike. (Note: That's Naarah's blog, but it's a picture of Jennifer and Mike. Get it?) We went for Indian food later in the afternoon.
I love apple orchards in the fall. Actually, I just like being outside during the fall. This is kind of a boring post, and I'm sorry. Why do I write every day, even though some days I don't have anything to say? I write because I enjoy having a record of my activities, even if they're not terribly exciting for anyone else. I'll do better tomorrow.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Friday culture and a hottie [+/-] Click for the culture...John James Audubon was an American painter who lived from 1785 until 1851. Audubon's life had a less-than-promising start: he was a bastard child, and later because a colossal failure in business. Audubon began to paint seriously in the 1820's. He is most noted for his depictions of birds and other animals. When Audubon began to paint his major work, The Birds of America, naturalist painters typically worked using dead animals as models, and usually depicted their subjects against a plain background. Audubon was revolutionary in that he used wires to position his subjects in life-like poses, and painted them in natural settings. Here are some of Audubon's works.  Farmyard Fowls  The Passenger Pigeon  Arctic Hare Thanks to Sparkles, I recently rediscovered Ben Curtis, who is better known as the Dell Dude. Enjoy him.    Oh, and those of you with a good memory will remember that I posted this picture once before. At the time, I was sure that it was Ben's head Photoshopped onto someone else's body. Well, I was wrong. That is Ben Curtis. 
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Of all the anti-ribbon stickers I've seen, this is my favorite.  This has been a busy few days in the life of the Shrink. Yet, surprisingly, being busy all the time had done nothing to mitigate the depression I feel. I know what is happening--it happens every winter. It's the cycle of Seasonal Affective Disorder. First, I'm aggressive and irritable. Then, I feel empty and numb. Finally, I feel lonely, sad and overwhelmed. What is a little different this year is that I'm already in the lonely, sad and overwhelmed phase, and it's not even November yet. December, which is traditionally the worst month for me, is going to be hell this year, I just know it.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Just leave the money on the dresser.
I'm in love.
That is all.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Link-o-rama!
I stayed up past my bedtime to watch Elusive Peace: Israel and Arabs, a documentary about peace negotiations between Israel and Palestine last night, which was fascinating. I learned that Bush told Palestinian leaders that he is on a mission from God to change the face of the Middle East. The White House denies this, but who are you going to trust... George W. Bush, or the Palestinian Authority? (Well, actually, that's kind of a toss-up.) Go here to read the story.
Funny, but not safe for work. The classic War of the Worlds, in 30 seconds and re-enacted by bunnies. A Jesus-themed milti-tool. It even has a fish-hook remover, which is, you know, ironic or something. Very realistic video of plants with eyes, tentacles, and beaks. Creepy. Update: I didn't see this one before, but I think it warrants editing the blog. If you're following Detroit politics (and why wouldn't you??), you know that the current Mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick (nickname: "Hip-Hop Mayor"), has taken a lot of heat over the past for years for corruption, inept government, and cronyism. Perhaps he wants to be president someday. Anyway, the election is just a couple of weeks away, and Kilpatrick is trailing way behind the competition, so he's desperate for anything that portrays him in a positive light. To that end, he is trumpeting his most recent endorsement--from beauty salons and barber shops. That's right... the same people who gave us The Undisputed Hair Salon and Mr. T's Grooming Center are endorsing Kwame for mayor. Go here for the story.
Monday, October 10, 2005
It looks like someone's got a case of the Mondays!
...and how could you blame me if I did? Saturday was a beautifully relaxed day, followed by a wonderful evening of delivered pizza, wine and conversation. Sunday was great for shopping (oh, the bargains I found!), and Jason even let me dress him. (He looks so good in the clothes that I pick out!) Who could ask for more?
Oh, and this story sounds vaguely like it was written by Mr. Burns: Yes, the polar ice caps are melting, but all that new land for energy exploration is good for business! Oh, Mother Nature started the battle for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing? I don't think so! For one thing, there'll be no reason to protect ANWAR anymore once all the wildlife is dead. In fact, once the seals and polar bears die, we can harvest their carcasses for oil! How many miles does you Hummer get per baby seal?
Friday, October 07, 2005
Friday culture and hotties [+/-] Get cultured...Frederic Chopin was a romantic composer who lived to the ripe old age of 39. He was kind of the Jim Morrison of his day. His music for the piano (he wrote almost exclusively for the piano) is technically advanced, but unlike other composers (I'm looking at you, Liszt), Chopin never sacrifices musicality for showmanship. I like Chopin, and I've written about him before. You should like him, too. Go start listening to more Chopin. Start with his noctures. Listen to Katrine Gislinge play one of his most famous here. (Thanks to Download.com.) Today's hotties are Olympic Gymnasts.   
Thursday, October 06, 2005
For the record, she also watches Dog the Bounty Hunter and Supernatural...
I had dinner with my mom last night. Half-way through the meal my mom started singing under he breath:
"A long time ago we used to be friends, but I haven't thought of you lately at all..." I asked: "Mom, have you been watching Veronica Mars?" She looked at me and said, "What do you think happened that made the school bus go off a cliff?" This was better than the time she told this one particularly nasty woman in her church, "Listen, you old bat, if we weren't in a church I'd tell you what I really think of you."
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Matthew Sweet and Martha Stewart have the same monogram, bitches.
What have I been up to lately? Well, last night I went out for some therapeutic shopping, and I came home with a ton of Halloween decorations. For some reason, I am obsessed with making our house extra-Halloween-tastic. I think I may be trying to repress the overwhelming loneliness and sadness that are howling through my soul.
Anyway, I bought everything I need to make the Witch and cat cutouts that were featured in this month's Martha Stewart living. So tonight I am going to put them together. Note to those people who actually live near me: I think we're going to have a Halloween party, by the way, on October 29. So you're all invited.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Link-o-rama
A spider-catcher. This thing is super cool.
A recently discovered asteroid may hit Earth on April 13, 2029. Of course, astronomers say that it's likely that the odds of the asteroid actually hitting Earth will decrease as we get nearer to that date and the path of the asteroid is calculated more accurately. But, for those of you who were curious, I looked it up, and in the year 2029, April 13 does fall on a Friday. Corporate logos painted on bugs. Ye Olde Photoshoppe: Images showing fantasy characters in modern settings. This is an inside joke for my friends: Giant Ziploc bags.
Monday, October 03, 2005
Monday morning rage
I was listening to NPR on the drive to work this morning, as usual. They were playing
There reaches a certain point after which I can no longer listen to That Man speak. After about five minutes, I can either start pulling my hair out in clumps, or I can turn him off. So, I switched over to one of the local top 40 stations. That's always a mistake. The morning DJ came on the air and, in that annoying morning male DJ voice (which can only be produced by consuming vast quantities of methamphetamine) said, "President Bush just nominated some lady named Harriet Miers [!] to be on the Supreme Court. We're trying to figure out which Saturday Night Live celebrity she looks like. Give us a call if you know!" This, ladies and gentlemen, is why this country is in trouble. The average citizen cares more that Miers looks like Rachen Dratch than that she is a long-time crony of the president, or that she has never even been a judge before. Oy. |
