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Thursday, June 30, 2005
Foolishness
Have you heard of Christian Exodus? A group of Right-wing extremists (using Christianity as a cover) want to move to South Carolina and form a reactionary Christian government. From their website:
ChristianExodus.org is moving thousands of Christian constitutionalists to specific cities and counties in South Carolina through a series of emigrations. Our board of directors considers the values of this state to be very similar to the values held by our membership. Additionally, South Carolina possesses a rich history of standing up for her rights [emphasis mine]. Indeed she does, you fuckwits.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Yeah, I got nothing.
OK, so I've been a little tired lately, and my appetite has gone through the roof, and I just don't want to do anything except sit on the couch and
Perhaps I should consult an expert.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
How smart are you, really?
If you read this blog regularly--and if you do, I pity you--you probably know that I joined Mensa. You see, Jason has been a member for about two years now, and he had been lording this over me for long enough. Mensa (in case you don't know and aren't curious enough to check the link) is a society for people whose scores on an IQ test are in the 98th percentile--meaning that two out of every hundred people are elligible for Mensa membership.
I am amazed at how full of themselves Mensans appear to be. For example, the mission statement of Mensa is: "To promote the use of high intelligence for the betterment of humanity." I am envisioning Obi-Wan telling young Luke Skywalker, "Use the Force only for good." And did you know that there are other high IQ societies, some of which are ludicrously exclusive? I did not know about them before, but apparently they advertise to Mensans. There is, for example, the International High IQ Society, which is less discriminating than Mensa, and will take anyone in the 95th percentile. (That's one in twenty people.) Then there is Intertel, which accepts people who score in the 99th percentile on an IQ test, or one in one hundred. The more exclusive Triple Nine society accepts only those in the 99.9th percentile, or one in a thousand. The Prometheus Society might be the most famous of the super-high IQ societies; it limits its membership to the 99.997th percecentile, or about one in thirty-three thousand. But the winner of the prize for the most exclusive society in the world is probably Giga, whose members must score in the 99.9999999th percentile. That's one in a billion, folks. According to the website, there are only six members of Giga. Just thought you should know.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Episode 398, in which our hero gets a book signed.
Jay and I met David Sedaris over the weekend.
He was reading and signing at the Borders near our house. We stood in line for about 2 hours to get him to sign our book. I always feel uneasy when I am about to meet a famous person. I never know what to say, and I worry that if I just let something come out spontaneously, I'll sound like a complete jackass. (Of course, history backs me up on this, as I have sounded like a jackass to all of the celebrities I have ever met.) So when I stood in front of David Sedaris with my partner, I just answered his questions. "How do you two know each other?" he asked. "We're partners," I responded. "And where do you live?" he asked. "Ferndale," I said. "It's just south of here." "That's nice," he said. "Thank you." And he handed us our freshly-signed book. As I walked away, I looked at the book. David Sedaris had written: To Matt and Jason. Two cocksucking homosexuals in Ferndale. I am so going to frame that.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
You thought I was insufferable before... 
Friday, June 24, 2005
Everybody's doing it. 
Friday culture and a hottie [+/-] Culture is under the cut..I am currently learning Chopin's Polonaise in A major (Op 40, number 1). This piece, usually called the "Military Polonaise," is one of the trickiest pieces of music in the classical pianist's repertoire. It's not that the piece is all that technically difficult (although it consists almost entirely of large chords, and will make your hands tired). The problem is that it's difficult to get the piece to sound good. Usually it's played too fast and too loud; the result puts one in mind of a 10-year-old banging on the keys. In fact, I was practically unable to find a "good" version of the piece to post as an example. So I setteled for a terrible version, and a tolerable version. In the first version, the pianist plays entirely too fast, and completely without feeling. In the second version the pianist plays slightly slower, but there could still be some more feeling in this piece. Today's hottie is Fab Filippo. If you're a TV dork like me, you'll recognize him as Justin's boyfriend from Queer as Folk and as Buffy's brief love interest on Buffy: The Vampire Slayer    Honestly, that third one doesn't really look like him. But honestly, I don't care. For the record, though, is that someone else? Anyone know who?
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Oh, the dreams I have
What's more fucked up than this picture? (I'm sorry, I had to post it again. It's too good not to be repeated.) Answer: The dream I had last night.
I dreamt that some megacorporation had genetically engineered vampires, and was selling them for use as caregivers of the elderly. I remember the spokesperson for the vampires was Joan Rivers. Her slogan was, "Could a radioactive, genetically-modified vampire be right for your loved one?" People were buying these things like crazy. And, of course, the vampires were eating the elderly. My friends and I were the only ones who knew this, so we had to stop them. Anyway, it turned out that Joan Rivers wasn't just the spokesperson; she was also the evil overlord of the vampires. We foiled her plans, though: Like all leather, it turns out that you can't get Joan Rivers wet.  One more thing: Check out Kingdom of Loathing, if you haven't already.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Trust me: Check out the picture.
Regular readers know that I have a thing for hair salons with stupid names. I have two more to add to the collection.
On Joy Road, near Greenfield, you will find two salons right across the street from each other. These salons are huge; they both look like converted Walgreens. One of them is called Always Creating Beauty Hair Salon, which, I admit, isn't terrible. But the other one is called Mr. T's Grooming Center. To make the reference complete, on the side of the building is a big mural of their namesake. First, who the hell wants to look like Mr. T(1)? Second, why would you name a hair salon for people a "grooming center?" -- (1) Yes, that is Nancy Reagan sitting on Mr. T's lap in that photo. Nancy. Reagan. You can thank me later.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Pick-up lines popular in fascist regimes
Have you been burning books? Because you look hot.
You're so good-looking you should have to wear a little colored shape on your lapel as a warning to people. I hereby declare you "Supreme Hottie for Life." Do you have a little [insert ethnicity] in you? No? Awesome... Racial purity is so hot. Can you tell me your name? I want to know who I'm going to denounce when I'm tortured. Are your legs tired? Because you've been goose-stepping through my mind all night. I've lost my papers... can I borrow yours? No, seriously? (Disclaimer: I had an anxiety attack over the "racial purity" one. Do you think it's over the top, because I almost didn't include it. Really. Honestly, I'm not a bad person. I give money to public radio and everything.)
Monday, June 20, 2005
It seemed like the thing to do at the time.
Everything I need to be a famous Irish artist:
 (I don't own flip flops, so Birkenstocks will have to do.) What's going on, you ask? Whatever it is, it's catching.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Friday is about the eye candy [+/-] The culture is under the cut (there's hotties under the cut today, too)...Thanks to fellow blogger Jockohomo, I discovered Wes Hempel. Hempel was born in 1953, and his paintings often feature elements of art history combined with vividly contemporary figures. The juxtaposition creates a commentary on modern life. Take a look.  Wrong Turn  Narcissus and Echo  Match In addition to the highly-recognizable paintings of men in art, Hempel also depicts floating buildings. These works stir the emotions by showing a destination that is just out of reach.  Rain Hospital And today's hottie is Christian Bale.  From Reign of Fire  From American Psycho  Again, American Psycho
Thursday, June 16, 2005
VH-1 is counting something? I'm so there!
I've been watching VH-1 count down the top 100 child stars, because I'm a sucker for anything presented in count-down format. During the show last night, Jay and I made our best guesses as to who the #1 child star of all time would be. Today I got curious, so I looked to see who the number one really is. It turns out that this is the crappiest list ever made.
I know that the institutional memory of VH-1 is about 30 minutes, but still... there are some seriously important names missing from this list. I mean come on, VH-1. You make a list of the "Top 100 Child Stars," and you don't put Shirley Temple anywhere on that list? Not that her movies were all that great, but it's hard to deny her contribution to the genre.(1) Or how about Elizabeth Taylor? She starred in Lassie, Come Home! when she was 9 years old, and went on to have one of the most watched careers and private lives in Hollywood history. Sigh. -- 1) I can't believe I suggested "Child Acting" is a genre. What has happened to this blog?
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
I've been thinking about retirement...
In order to deal with the "impending Social Security Crisis," Senators are considering raising the retirement age to 69. Yeah, whatever. Here's the Official Government Plan for people in my age group: "Don't get old."
In unrelated news, last night Jay and I made a pitcher of New Alison's Mambo Margaritas (from The Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love.) And we drank the whole thing while watching Kept(1). Nothing says summer like this:
--- (1) I feel sorry for the guys on Kept, because they have to pretend to be interested in Jerry Hall, who has the personality of a bucket of sand.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Two brief news items
Michael Jackson, as you all know by now, was acquited on all charges. But as the bumper sticker says, freedom isn't free, and Jacko needs to find a way to make some money to cover his $300 million debt. My suggestion: Celebrity impersonation.
 The truth is revealed... But the really big news is that Katie Holmes is converting to Scientology because she just loves Tom Cruise so much. Katie reports that she has wanted to marry Tom Cruise since she was a child. She said (and I swear this is an actual quote): "We all keep dreaming, and luckily, dreams come true." Then, a group of blindfolded Mexican children beat at her head with sticks until it broke open and candy fell out.
Monday, June 13, 2005
Two very quick items
1) Saw a really good movie over the weekend, The Triplets of Belleville. It's hard to describe, and kind of surreal, but if you get the chance, see it. It's quite entertaining.
 2) It was bound to happen: Ex-gay summer camp. View the blog of one kid who was sent to this camp against his will here.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Friday culture and a hot guy [+/-] Culture is under the cut...So what's the big deal about the Mona Lisa?  Well, for one thing, there's that smile. At the time, painters didn't usually depict their models smiling. Leonardo da Vinci bucked the tradition, and put one of the most enigmatic smiles in history on his most famous work. Some researchers have suggested that you can only really see her smile with your peripheral vision, so she seems to flirt with her audience. Then there is the mystery of the identity of the model. No one knows exactly who this woman was. The title "Mona Lisa" simply means "Ms. Lisa," and it doesn't help identify the model, since it was not the original title. The original name for the painting was "La Joconde," which means "The Light-Hearted Woman." Some people think that the model was the wife of a wealthy merchant named "Giocondo," and that da Vinci's title was a play on words. But there have been many, many speculations over the years--including a brief-lived theory that the painting was actually Leonardo himself as a woman. Mona captivates the world like few other paintings. The image is instantly recognizable--so much so that countless other artists have given homage to and satirized the work. For example, this work by Marcel Duchamp:  "L.H.O.O.Q." is also known as "Mona Lisa with a Moustache," for obvious reasons. The original French title is also a play on words: The letters "LHOOQ," spoke aloud in French, sound like the words "Elle a chaud au cul," which translates to "She has a hot ass." And speaking of that...
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Because playing that game where you cover the Earth with your thumb doesn't cut it anymore.
Ten possible proposals of art works for the International Space Station:
1) Christos drapes large swaths of orange fabric over communication satellites, calling them "Gates of information." 2) David Bowie's song "Space Oddity," as played by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. 3) Robert Mapplethorpe's photos of a man with the Hubble Space Telescope up his ass. 4) Herman's Hermits song "Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Daughter," sung by William Shatner. 5) Dr. Maya Angelou reading her original work, "Zero-Gravity Makes a Proud Woman Want to Vomit." 6) A version of John Cage's 4'33", performed by Avril Lavigne while being shoved out an airlock. 7) Klingon Opera. 8) The Byrd's "Hey, Mr. Spaceman," performed by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. 9) Yoko Ono's suggestion: Douglas Adams' corpse, wrapped in bubble wrap and anchored to a wall by a single man's tie. 10) Cirque Du Soleil's specially-designed performance, "Men in Tights Floating Around While Flailing Their Legs Like Spazzes."
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Holy AFA, Batman!
The Anti-Gay Marriage folks have crossed a bridge too far.
 For more, check out SuperDickery. (Thanks to Travis for the link.)
Why am I the last one to know?
Has anyone else heard about the Pro-anorexia movement? This is disturbing. (And I mean that in a very sensitive way, of course.) Basically, the "pro-ana" people believe that Anorexia is not a disease, but a way of life. One pro-ana woman describes her anorexia as follows:
I am 23 now and have realized that all of my friends have abandoned me, my family no longer listens to me, and that professor that claimed to want to help me had me suspended from college because of my cutting... I am now the fat chic [sic]. I left ana for these people and they turned their backs on me. Ana has never hurt me, Ana would never lie to me, Ana would never leave me, and Ana always welcomes me back with open arms no matter how long we have been seperated. I'm not going to make fun of this, because it's kind of heartbreaking. And, I suppose that you have a Goddess-given right to starve yourself to death, if that's what you really want to do. I just thought it was interesting enough to merit its own post.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Funny food links  Two links that are so funny you will choke on your vomit. First, Weight Watchers Recipe Cards from the 70's. They were very effective--merely looking at the cards reduced appetite. The Gallery of Regrettable Food will make you laugh. (Thanks to my friend Bill for the links.)
Why I am a Liberal (obligatory serious post)
Recent political discourse both in my social circle and in the blogs that I read makes me want to codify and explain my political views, without satire and without insults. As much fun as it is to snark at people like Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity, sometimes it helps to state what you believe in a more decorous way.
So here is my manifesto. (I'm putting it under the cut because many of my readers will just skip this post entirely. But for those who are interested, here it is.) [+/-] See it...Liberal: Not limited to or by established, traditional, orthodox, or authoritarian attitudes, views, or dogmas; free from bigotry; Favoring proposals for reform, open to new ideas for progress, and tolerant of the ideas and behavior of others; broad-minded. I believe in social justice for everyone. In other words, I think that all people are entitled to be treated fairly, with equality and with dignity, regardless of ethnicity, gender, religion, class, political views, sexual orientation or disability. I believe that intellectual and spiritual freedom must be preserved: I believe that all people should be free to make their own choices about what they believe, and why they believe it, without fear of government intrusion. I believe in economic security for everyone. People should be able to earn a wage commensurate with their education, talents, experience and skill. However, I don't think that anyone who is willing to work should be denied a living wage. Also, I believe that our society has a responsibility to care for those who cannot support themselves by working, due to disability or age. I believe that our tax code should be structured to reward work instead of wealth. I believe in equal access to health care for everyone. Care of the physical and emotional bodies of the populace should be one of our highest priorities. We need a health care system that triages based on severity of illness, not based on the ability to pay. Additionally, I believe that health care services should not be a political football--and I believe that providers should be required to provide care regardless of whether the services provided run contrary to their own personal moral beliefs. Whenever possible, though, providers should be allowed to refer such clients to other providers. I believe we have an responsibility to our environment in and of itself, not just by virtue of its beauty or its usefulness. I also believe that we have a duty to work towards a more sustainable future in relation to our natural resources for the sake of future generations. I believe that we have a right to transparency in our political process. I believe that this right to transparency is perhaps the single right most essential for democracy, as it allows for an well-informed citizenry. I believe that politicians should be held accountable for deceptions and for misleading the public. I could go on, and maybe I will in a future post. In short, I am a liberal because I would rather live in a world as Liberals see it than one as Conservatives see it. No outside force is going to make our society or our country for us; we must do it ourselves. And we can choose what we want our society to look like. I choose to work to realize a society which values and supports equality, freedom, and dignity.
Monday, June 06, 2005
Motor City Pride
Motor City Pride was this past weekend. It was a really, really hot day. Jay wanted to stay until Martha Wash sang at the end, so we choose to watch pride from an air-conditioned restaurant until the very end. I took some pictures with my uber-crappy camera phone. Enjoy.
 A photo of the crowd.  Jason enjoying Martha, and my friend Laura on the right looking at her camera phone.  More Martha.   "It's raining men..."
Friday, June 03, 2005
Friday: Culture and a hot guy
I am all for this whole "gay men have better taste than other people" thing. So let's talk about singers with more talent than Britney-Christina-Ashley-Whomever, shall we?
The queen of song, at least so far, was Ella Fitzgerald. Her voice was perfect in its clarity, and she could sing technical passages that would kill Mariah Carey. Don't just believe me, though. Listen to her sing Cry Me a River. (Note: This file, and others in this post, are m4a files, meaning you will need to play them in iTunes or Quicktime.) You may know who Maria Callas is. If you don't, get thee to Wikipedia. One of the greatest singers of all time, she had incredible range and vocal power. Listen to her sing Una voce poco fa, from Il Barbiere di Siviglia (The Barber of Seville) by Gioacchino Rossini. Finally, let's revisit a classic gay icon--Barbra Streisand. You may have asked yourself "What's the big deal with Streisand?" Well, she proves that you don't need to be beautiful to make it in show business, for one thing. But it's her voice that made her what she is. Here is a recording of her singing "Lover Come Back to Me," when she was just 19 years old. Today's hottie is Victor Webster. I enjoy him.   
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Best meme ever.
You are HALDOL! Powerful, universal. Schizophrenics
hate you because you're always taking their friends away, you fucker. You like to enjoy a cocktail with your good friends Atty Vann and Cog Entin. Which antipsychotic drug are you? brought to you by Quizilla (Thanks to The Search for Love in Manhattan.)
Standing up for a home team
The American Family Association is clever. They ended their unsuccessful and ridiculous boycott on Disney, and instead decided to pick on a company that is already having economic problems, Ford Motor Company. (Read the website about the boycott here.)
In case you don't know, Ford also operates Jaguar, Lincoln, Land Rover, Mercury, Mazda, and Volvo. Here in Detroit FoMoCo has always been a friend of the LGBT community, most recently giving $250,000 to Affirmations, the Metro Detroit LGBT community center. (GM and Chrysler also gave $250,000 contributions.) Ford also gives large sums to the HRC and GLAAD each year. And did you know that Ford gives $1,000 to GLAAD for every Jaguar and Land Rover purchased? Or that Volvo gives $500 to the HRC whenever a Volvo is purchased of leased? Take a moment and stand up for Ford. E-mail one of these two people and tell them that you are glad that Ford supports equality.
Here is a copy of my letter: Dear Ms. Nicholls, I recently became aware that the American Family Association has called for a boycott on all Ford products due to the comany's tradition of supporting rights for lesbian, bisexual, gay and transgender persons. I am not in the habit of sending "political e-mails;" however, I felt that this issue was important enough to take time to write in support of Ford's past contributions. I live in Ferndale, Michigan, and as a gay man, I was very excited to hear about Ford's contributions to that city's GLBT community center, Affirmations. I also have recently become aware (from the American Family Association's website, oddly enough) that the Ford brands Volvo, Land Rover, and Jaguar routinely donate money to organizations that promote equality. On a personal note, my grandfather worked for Ford, as did two of my uncles. I am sure that they would be proud to know that Ford is taking a stand for equal rights. I think that Ford's progressive and inclusive position is an excellent and appropriate tribute to Ford's history. My first car was a Ford Mustang, and to this day, my family continues to purchase Ford products. Now, because of Ford's taking a stand for diversity, I can be even more proud of this great American company. Because of Ford's support, I will look for a Ford brand when it comes time for me to purchase my next car as well. Thank you, and keep up the good work, Matt Sweet
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Guest Blogger!
The biggest news of the day: We know who Deep Throat is. This news comes at a time when annoymous sources are under attack by the Right. They're doing their best to try and make Deep Throat into a villian, but I don't think anyone's buying it.
(If you don't know excatly what Watergate was, read the Wikipedia article. In brief: Nixon was spying on the Democratic National Committee, and when the FBI caught him and started to investigate, he ordered the CIA to work against the FBI and cover up his illegal actions.) All this talk about Deep Throat reminds me that it's been too long since our friend, The Gay Man Who is More Beautiful Than You, has written: I got this nasty e-mail the other day from some bitchy (and probably fat) queen who found my adventures on the net: "Dear Gay Man, You are exactly the problem with the gay community. You (and others like you) spend all your time doing Crystal Meth and fucking twinks, and the truth is that you're just going to end up old and alone, with an STD. Thanks for nothing." |
