|
Thursday, March 31, 2005
If you like that sort of thing...
Yes, I know that's not really Prince William. It's actually a look-a-like photographed by Alison Jackson in her new book. But it's still a lovely photo, right? Happy Thursday. (Thanks to ohlalaparis for the link.)
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
OMG.
I laughed so hard I banged my leg on my desk, and it REALLY HURT, but I kept on laughing uncontrollably. You ask, "What's so funny?"
Check out Eric Conveys an Emotion. Make sure you click on "Motherly Love."
Day of Sloth
I haven't had a good a proper Day of Sloth in a while. So this evening I plan on curling up with a bottle of St Julien's Extra-Ordinary and watching Smallville.
Ahh... Cheap wine and the WB. This is the stuff of which dreams are made. (And remind me to tell you specifics about the dreams I have about Tom Welling some day. )
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Olbigatory Terri Schiavo post
The parents of Terri Schiavo have authorized a conservative direct-mailing firm to sell the contact information of their financial supportes. You read that right. Enough said.
And if you're into very, very inappropriate humor, check this out. (Thanks tomrpunk2u.) One non-Schiavo link: An article on the usefulness of post-trauma counseling, particularly in post-tsunami South Asia. One quote: "The best antidepressant is a job." Damn straight.
Monday, March 28, 2005
On the banks of the Red Ceder, there's a school that's know to all...
Michigan State beat Duke on Friday and Kentucky on Sunday. Now they are headed to the Final Four.
And I'm in love with Drew Neitzel. For the record, this is Drew Neitzel:
At 6-feet, 170 lbs, he's the smallest member of the MSU men's basketball team. But he makes up for being small with being mean. He trash-talks so blatently you can see it on television; he waves his hand in front of other player's faces... I always fall for the bad boys.
Oh, and by the way: The MSU women are on their way to the Elite Eight as well. Makes the alumni proud, I tell you. Sing with me now... M.S.U. we love thy shadows
Friday, March 25, 2005
Guest Blogger!
from Tales Of The Gay Man Who Is More Beautiful Than You:
I need a new job. As you probably remember, I have been employed as a T-shirt folder at Banana Republic for the past seven years. It was the perfect job--I got an employee discount, and the store got to have my fabulous and hot self modeling their clothes. But do you think that they were greatful for my tight little body? Nooo... Last week The Bitch Troll From Hell manager "Kathy" tells me that the supervisors have been worried about my "attitude." I told her, "Kathy, if you had been out all weekend doing Tina, your attitude would suck, too." And can you believe that she fired me? God, she just doesn't understand me. Homophobe.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Concert review
For those who asked, this is Eric Himan:
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Worst. Logo. Ever.
I need a new logo for the practice. This is my personal favorite, but some people find it creepy.
Monday, March 21, 2005
Yo no quiero...
I remember one time I read in Men's Health that when you cut yourself shaving, you should put toothpaste on the cut. The magazine claimed that toothpaste is antiseptic and that it would stop the bleeding. So like an idiot, the next time I cut myself with a razor I rubbed Crest into my bloody wound, and THE TOOTHPASTE BURNED LIKE HELL. And to add insult to injury I ended up with a gooey, bloody mess on my face.
The upshot: Men's Health is full of crap. And most recently, the editors of this illustrious periodical have give us a list of The 30 hottest things you can say to a naked woman. Number 8 on the list of 30 sexiest things is: "Hungry? Stay right here. I'll go make you a burrito." What the hell? Who eats burritos naked? And what kind of sick fuck associates burritos and sex? Would anyone even be stupid enough to believe that offering a naked woman a burrito will lead to sex? There must be some gullible people in the world. And to all those gullible people I would like to say: I am a sex therapist (I have to keep saying that, because otherwise people will see how lame I am) and I would like to go on the record right now declaring that fetishes about eating burritos naked are just sick and wrong. In fact, I would like to extend that declaration to include all Mexican Food. (With the obvious exception of tequila.) If you or your partner have ever had a lust-crazed daydream about rolling around in bed with burritos, tacos, flautas or even a tres leches cake, you need to seek immediate help. Call me right away to set up an appointment. You will need to see me three times a week, and the fee will be $150 per hour. I anticipate that you will need on-going therapy for years and years Oh, and here's a random hottie, for those of you who like that sort of thing. This time it's Keanu Reeves and River Phoenix in bed together, from My Own Private Idaho. Notice that there is not a burrito in sight. 
Friday, March 18, 2005
Show of hands...
I know that I'm not the most popular blogger out there. In fact, I think my blog ranks in popularity between "1001 Scratch 'n Sniff Screensavers" and "Which NPR Personality Are You?*"
But sometimes I'm AMAZED by the number of people (as modest as that number is) who actually come here. I mean seriously... neither of you have anything better to do? Secretly, I think that many people stumble on this site because they are looking for the singer of the same name. (If your name is Matt Sweet, you are either a Cool Sexy Rock Star or a Morbidly Obese Sex Therapist.) What really confuses me, though, is the lack of comments I get. Not that I don't get comments--in fact, such blog luminaries as Rotten Ryan and Hot Toddy comment on my blog. (VividBlurry even commented once. And that's how you know you've made it.) So the crux of my confusion is this: based on my site meter statistics, I get 1 comment for every 30 visitors. Who are all you silent people? And why do you read this? For convenience, I've listed some categories below. Just choose the one that fits. I read Tales of a Shrink because:
* You are Snigdha Prakash!  You focus your attention on economic policy, and are often concerned with the goings-on in Europe. You are unpredictable. Oddly, your accent makes you sound a little like Sinead O'Conner.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
St. Patrick's Day
Today is the day that Jason and I have our annual St. Patrick's Day argument.
Jay is descended from a nice, Irish-Catholic family. Where as I am descended from a nice, English-Protestant family. I insist on wearing orange today, as a sign that I do not support terrorists. Whereas he insists on wearing green, which I assume is a show of his ancestral hatred for the Protestant Church, particularly as it is represented in England. I insist that the Anglican Church in particular has been very good to us gay folks, but he is unmoved. We are the biggest dorks in Dorkville.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Little known facts about me.
Some background: My grandfather had a cherry orchard in a semi-rural Detroit suburb. Sometimes, pesky songbirds (like robins, cardinals) would eat his cherries. So he would shoot them... with a shotgun. "There's less of them to clean up that way," he would explain.
(Once, the police came to the house, after one of the neighbors complained due to the gunshots. My grandfather stashed the gun, and helpfully led the nice officers on a wild goose chase through the woods behind his property. "Do you think they'll come back?" he asked the officers, looking genuinely concerned.) Because of Additionally, I would trust all of my friends (with one notable exception) at my back with a gun. All of that combined with the fact that my mom and I would watch B-horror movies every Saturday afternoon, made me do better on this test that I thought I would.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
I have the fastest hands of anyone you know.
...and I am somebody pointed to this page, which is a little on-line typing test.
I'm a ridulously fast typist, so I thought I'd show off. On the second try, I got 146 words per minute, with no errors, and still had time to take a screen capture to prove it to you. 
Links
Yup. I'm tired and groggy. Go visit these other places while I have coffee.
Monday, March 14, 2005
It's "postmodern." (You know, wierd for the sake of wierd.)
The scene... for the first time in months I have a Saturday off. It is a beautiful day. Jason and I are sitting in our living room, thinking about how we will amuse ourselves.
Matt: What do you want to do today? Jason: I want to live this day. I want to experience unparalleled joy. I want to sing with the ecstasy that is my birthright. Matt: So... Warcraft? Instead, we went to the Detroit Institute of Arts for the afternoon. And we saw the new Yoko Ono installation.  What the picture doesn't convey is the music that comes from inside the thing, which sounds like the sound of a thousand music boxes all playing different tunes at the same time. Ahh, that Yoko.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Oy, vey is mir!
Due to their excessive lameness, I no longer do the Friday Five. So I'm at a loss as to what I should post on Friday mornings. I have to have something that I can post routinely, without giving any thought whatsoever. Because on Fridays my heart's just not in blogging (or working, or thinking, or anything other than consuming massive quantities of my laxative-of-choice, St Julien's Simply Red.)
Hmmm... Sometimes when I don't have anything to say I post links. Other times I post pictures of hot boys, and sometimes I let The Gay Man Who Is More Beautiful Than You write for me. What would you like to see here on Fridays? For today, I give you one link: Condi Rice gets laid, from Internet Weekly. Short, but so funny you'll die. (Just for you, Ryan.)
Thursday, March 10, 2005
The beautiful people... the beautiful people...
So I went to the wine tasting with Carrie last night. All told, I had a really good time. (Turn me loose in a room with 30-some types of wine and an all-you-can-eat Cheesecake Bar--well, they're luckly I didn't explode with joy.)
There were a lot of straight people between 25 and 35 there. All the men were wearing Banana Republic shirts with vertical stripes; all the women were wearing what Carrie lovingly refers to as "Hoochie Pants." It's amazing how little things have changed from college. The Hoochie Pants Song (sung to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") Those Hoochie Pants won't keep you warm, no way... no way... Those Hoochie Pants won't keep you warm, no way... no way... So wear your Hoochie Pants if you please... But the Frat boys will get you on your knees, So give it up you Little Hoochie Girl. Here is a picture of the event, taken with El Crappie Camera Phone. It gives a "Spirit of Place" kind of feel, but not much else. 
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Three things.
1.
A coach licks his player's bloody wound so the player can get back in the game. This man also teaches science at the school! You would think that the SCIENCE teacher would know about bloodborne pathogens, right? Maybe this is one of those schools where they teach evolution and that illness is caused by unbalanced humors. 2. Tonight is my night of sloth. There is only one thing that can tear me away from 4 straight hours of Warcraft, and that is a wine tasting with Carrie. My priorities are as follows: 1) Chocolate 2) Booze 3)Killing little pixelated scorpions. 3. What's the difference between God and a psychiatrist? God doesn't think he's a psychiatrist.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Hot pic, funny links... I'm too good to you.
Nothing clever or interesting to say. So, instead, you get some links. But first, for those of you who like this sort of thing, here's a shirtless picture of Ben Curtis, the guy who did the "Dude, you getting a Dell!" ads.
 Stuff to see and do:
PS: I don't care if that's not really Ben Curtis. (Yes, I'm familiar with Photoshop, bitches.)
Monday, March 07, 2005
When is it wrong to laugh at people?
Sean Hannity, the right-wing nut job whose seizure-inducing stupidity is heard on the radio waves every day, has started a dating service for conservatives.
Here are a few of the more choice nuggets:  Fred: "I'm just an average guy, a good conservative, who is looking for Mrs. Fred [last name deleted]. Ideally, my woman should be someone who will cook and clean while I'm at the office (I work for a company that makes shirts out of 1970's era wallpaper). Also, it's important that you know how to take a good punch."  Hans: "I repair urinals for a living, and I think that Sean Hannity is 'The Bomb'. Don't I look smart standing in front of that bookcase? Aryans only, please."  Gennifer: "My life has been strongly influenced by my political beliefs. For example, my adoration of Anne Coulter inspired me to become a woman."  Beth: "It's easier to catch a fish than a husband! (Get it? Because of the fish in the picture, silly!) Anywho, I am looking for a man who doesn't mind the smell of fresh fish, if you know what I'm saying!"  Bryce: I'm a conservative, Catholic man (ex-alter boy!) who really enjoys being around others like me. I'm looking for a woman who will help me control some of my... more sinful... urges. I like showtunes and Judy Garland movies. *Disclaimer* Of course I made up the quotes. Duh.
Friday, March 04, 2005
Story time, and Friday Five
I went with Carrie to a Blackthorn concert last night. Loads of fun. Carrie has the most interesting life of anyone I know, which is why she should update her blog more.
For example, last night at intermission Carrie was approached by someone who introduced himself as one of the Munchinkins from The Wizard of Oz (and let's just say that his appearance was such that I didn't doubt it). He then asked Carrie if he knew her from somewhere. Carrie responded, "Well, I've been in the Lullabye League for about 5 years now." (OK, she didn't actually say this, but it would have been funny if she had.) Friday Five 1. Do you tend to exaggerate or underestimate? "Hyperbole" is my middle name. 2. What is the last "white" lie that you told? "What a good idea!" (I'm not going to say to whom I told that lie. Let he/she figure it out.) 3. Can you forgive a liar? Usually, but it depends on the lie. "Of course you don't look fat in that," will get forgiven much quicker than, "Of course I mailed in your taxes." 4. Do you hold a grudge? Generally, I do not. 5. What's the biggest lie you've ever told? OK, this is officially the last Friday Five I'm ever going to do. This sucks.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Suck it, bitches. English Genius I wonder why I scored only 77% on the "advanced" portion? I suspect that the errors are in the test. For example, the makes a false distinction between "paid" and "payed" as an intransitive verb, and when used as an intransitive verb, they are interchangable. (Look it up if you must.)
You get links today. Because I'm lazy, that's why.
Dead frogs, arranged in sexual positions. Oh. My. God.
Snack Food Zodiac. I'm an Oreo. This satire about Bush's reaction to the Tsunami is really funny. It's worth reading all the way to the end, and make sure you check out the scrolling headlines. My favorite: "Promise-keepers masturabate furiously to Anne Coulter photograph.." This story in the NY Times is about the economic situation in Michigan. It's pretty accurate, and might give people an idea about how bleak the situation actually is here in the rust belt.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
(Spoiler: Number four is the best.)
Regular readers of my blog (both of you) will know that I have a predilection for stupid hair salon names. I have four more to add to my collection.
But first, I am sorry to say that my previous favorite, The Undisputed Hair Salon, on Livernois north of 7 mile, is now out of business. There is a "For Lease" sign on the front. ("I dispute that this is a salon, bitches!")
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
"Hallewood?" You're joking, right?
Now, let it be known throughout the land that I don't really care for Halle Berry. She is undeniably beautiful, but after having seen her in such quality flicks as X Men, Gothica, Swordfish and The Flintstones, I wish she would go back to the world of modeling, where she is seen but not heard.
Not to mention that her official website is www.hallewood.com. I'm sorry, Citizen Berry, but there is only one entertainer who has the celebrity to pull off that kind of a pun. But Halle's showing up at the Razzies to accept her award for Worst Actress is pure class. So I am willing to give Mlle Berry a second chance. But be warned, Halle: If the movie requires you to be in skin-tight leather, just say "No." |
