2 pounds ground sirloin (Note: I use sirloin for the taste; this should no way be construed as a health-smart choice.)
1 pound bacon
1 large onion
1 large tomato
8 whole-wheat buns (again, the whole wheat is for the texture and flavor, not for fiber)
1 small package Velveeta (hell yeah, and don't try to substitute real cheese, either)

First, fry the bacon over medium heat in a pan with deep sides. While the bacon is frying, shape the ground beef into eight patties. If you have time, slice the onion and the tomato as well. When the bacon is good and crispy, move it to a paper towel-lined plate, but do not remove the bacon grease from the heat. Next, put your hamburger buns face down in the still hot bacon grease. They will get all toasty and brown in a couple of minutes. Remove the buns, and put the meat patties in the grease. Fry the patties until the are a little crispy on both sides, and whatever you do, don't push down on the patties with the spatula. And don't flip them more times than necessary, either. Just leave the alone and let them cook. When they're done, assemble a burger with a meat patty, two slices of bacon, a slice of onion, a slice of tomato, and some Velveeta. Try and assemble them fairly quickly, while the burgers are still warm--you want the Velveeta to melt a little bit.

Serves 2.