Tales of a Shrink

I like to read the customer reviews on Amazon.com, particularly the lowest-rated reviews for classic works of literature. Let me be clear: the reviews in which people simply say they didn't like a book don't interest me. People have a right to dislike whatever they want (I, for example, hate almost everything by Charles Dickens with a passion).

I prefer the reviews in which people offer criticism of the classics--and do it poorly. I was reading some last night and laughing to myself. For your enjoyment, I present some of my favorite bad reviews of great works.

Romeo and Juliet
Why can't this story end in happily ever after? Why does Lady Capulet have to be so stuck up on everybody? Why couldn't Shakespeare have written in a language we could all understand?

The Scarlet Letter
This book is like a bad soap. No action. No drama. Very predictable. It is about a woman who cheated on her husband with another man. The baby dad is the preacher. Why the couple couldn't have gotten a divorce is beyond me. And the writing is horrible. Maybe Webster would have fun with this book but not a high schooler being forced to read it. Reading this is like a punch in the testicles.. it HURT!!!

Moby Dick
It was fun (and very dorky) to see the link of Star Trek 2 - The Wrath of Kahn to this book, but that was about it. Now when I'm chillin with my girl, forcing her to watch that old movie, I can sound smart and point out where some of those lines come from...Moby Dick. Other than that, I'm done with it. Good luck with this one.

To Kill a Mockingbird
All the book consists of is a middle-class family in the south with a few weird neighbors. I mean come on. Who really cares about a little girl that goes around the neighborhood doing things like spying on her albino neighbor. If that makes a book a classic, shame on you.