Tales of a Shrink

This article from the NY Times got me thinking... Maybe we should start celebrating Festivus?

For you who are too lazy to click the link:

Festivus is a Seinfeld holiday that has crossed over into real life. On December 23 family and friends gather around an 6' aluminum pole (with no decorations) and air grievances about one another. Afterwards, the guests wrestle with the head of the family in an attempt to pin him to the floor. This part is called the "Feats of Strength," and the Festivus party does not end until the head of the family is pinned.

I'm switching from Christmas to Festivus. Here's my reasoning:

1. Festivus seems like less work than Christmahanakwanzakuh.
2. No annoying versions of Christmas Carols sung by people who have no business singing Christmas Carols, like Mo-fucking Beyonce. Please... I think taking a crap in a nativity scene is less blasphemous than listening to that five-cent trollop sing about the Son of God. And don't get me started on Celine Dion.
3. I'm an angry, angry man, so I've got a lot of grievances. In fact, I think I'd just post lists of people who have pissed me off, by category.
4. I would like a chance to "clear the air" with a couple of people by ~~beating the crap out of them~~ wrestling them to the ground. "Say uncle!"

I'm going back to my cold medicine now.