Matt Sweet:

1) My name is Bob.
2) My last name is Smith.
3) I like pie.
4) I don't like cigarettes.
5) This is really long... isn't it?

1) I live in Ferndale, MI, which is a suburb of Detroit. Ferndale is arguably the most hip, youth-identified, and gay suburb in the Detroit area. (I’m looking at you, Ann Arbor.) It’s very friendly, and very gay. I love it there.

2) My partner’s name is Jason. I call him Jay. We’ve been together since August of 1998.

3) I love my home: Jay and I live in the “nice part” of Ferndale (the north-west part) in a two-story colonial house on a corner lot, with a detached two-and-a-half car garage. We live across the street from a park.

4) I have two black cats, Murray and Pandora. I love them like children.

5) When I watch TV, I involuntarily twitch my leg. Like a puppy, when you scratch its back. Oh yeah… I love the TV.

6) I like crappy TV. The worse the show is, the more I love it. Particularly reality TV shows that are devoid of any merit whatsoever.

7) I am a grammar perfectionist, but I’m also a terrible speller.

8) My handwriting is damn near illegible.

9) I have a passion for words and phrases that are no longer in common usage. “Neigh” and “Suffragette” are two examples.

10) Number 9 is especially true when it comes to my job. For example, I refer to TB as “Consumption,” Syphilis as “The Clap,” and Conversion Disorder as “Hysterical Paralysis.”

11) I make jokes that no one but me finds funny. Then, I fake-laugh at them. Ha-HA!

12) I drive a Honda Civic, which I love dearly. I love it so much I plan on keeping it until it no longer runs, even though Jay wants me to get a bigger, “nicer” car.

13) I drive very aggressively.

14) I rarely get lost, and when I do, I usually get found again within 5 minutes.

15) I am a psychotherapist (if you didn’t already guess) with a master’s degree in social work. I graduated #1 in my class from Wayne State University in May of 2003. Not a small achievement, since Wayne is one of the highest-rated MSW schools in the country. (According to some sources it is the #1 social work graduate school in the country.)

16) People really do tell me all their deepest and darkest secrets. Seriously, they do. I’ve heard some stuff you would not believe, and I’m not going to repeat any of it here.

17) I call myself a “sex therapist,” because I work with sexuality concerns and other stuff related to sex. Honestly, there is no official title “sex therapist”—I’m just a therapist who specializes in human sexuality.

18) Sometimes, being a sex therapist is remarkably more boring than the name implies. Other times, it’s just as interesting as you’d think.

19) I am also a certified hypnotherapist.

20) I work in an agency (AIDS Partnership Michigan) as well as in private practice. This means I work all the time. Honestly, I’m kind of a workaholic.

21) My partner Jay is in law school, so I don’t miss him when I’m working 12-hour days, because he’s not home either.

22) I grew up in Sterling Heights, MI, which was one of those boring suburbs where all the houses are identical.

23) I am very particular when it comes to architecture. I especially hate the “Garage Mahal” look, where the garage sticks out in front of the actual house, so that it looks like you have a two-car garage with an attached house. Yuck.

24) My childhood home was custom built to my mother’s specifications. Maybe that’s what makes me an architecture freak.

25) I love cashews. If I could eat nothing but cashews and not die of malnutrition, I would.

26) I use a lot of hyperbole.

27) I also love chocolate, although I’m kind of a snob when it comes to chocolate. I prefer dark to milk, and I don’t much care for most mass-produced candy bars. Although, since I’m more of a gourmand than a gourmet, I will eat almost any chocolate placed in front of me.

28) I adore taffy, in all flavors.

29) My other favorite foods are egg rolls and potato salad. I like my egg rolls made with shrimp and bean sprouts; I like my potato salad served warm.

30) I like specialty cheese, but camembert is probably my favorite.

31) I drink red wine whenever the opportunity presents itself. Although, I don’t drink to get drunk. I just like the taste of most red wines.

32) I was born with a heart condition. This particular condition is non-threatening, but one time I felt like I was having a heart attack (chest pains, shortness of breath, arm numb) for about 6 weeks. No joke.

33) My father and my paternal grandfather were also born with heart conditions.

34) My grandfather died from complications of his heart problem. My father (thank God) is in great health.

35) Both of my paternal grandparents had multiple bypass surgery.

36) I take remarkably bad care of my body for someone who has a congenital heart condition.

37) I used to be more physically active, including lifting weights five times a week and running three times a week. I was in damn good shape.

38) However, now I am overweight and I get winded walking up two flights of stairs. This is a never-ending source of stress in my life, as well as a consistent topic for the blog.

39) I tell myself that I’d exercise if I had more time. But I don’t know that I completely believe that. I think I don’t exercise because I’m lazy, ad TV is just so entertaining.

40) When I get into an airplane, I hear “Mona Lisa” by Nat King Cole in my head. This is because my mother, who is afraid to fly, would sing that song to calm herself on flights.

41) In a store, I cannot pass by a box without opening it, or a blank book without leafing through it.

42) I love to shop. It’s like a sport to me. I don’t care if I buy anything or not, I just love to be in a store, surrounded by merchandise. It makes me feel like the world is still going to keep on turning to know that Nordstrom’s has plenty of men’s clothing.

43) I really, really like people. I find them fascinating. I can sit and people watch all day long. Maybe that’s why I love blogs.

44) I read all the blogs on my Blogroll, religiously. If I don’t read them, then they get deleted. I call these people my “Bloggie friends.”

45) I call the people on the TV shows I watch regularly my “TV friends.” I got that from Mr. Rogers, who called his audience his “Television Neighbors.”

46) I cried when Mr. Rogers died. Honestly.

47) I cry at movies all the damn time. I’m such a sentimental idiot. Movies that make me cry the hardest: It’s a Wonderful Life, Going My Way, Titanic, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.

48) I can’t ski. No really… that’s worth mentioning. Because I really, really can’t ski.

49) I can swim, though. Quite well, although these days swimming requires me to bear more flesh than I am comfortable with. And Japanese whaling vessels are also a hazard.

50) I have an exceptionally long tongue. The woman who pierced it said it was the largest she had ever seen. She looked impressed, too. I can touch my tongue to my nose, no problem.

51) I have really small hands. Little girly hands, with thin fingers.

52) I’m really good with my hands, and I have fast fingers. For example, I can type 90 words a minute without trying very hard. When I’m really typing as fast as I can for a long period of time, coworkers actually come over to my keyboard to see what the noise is.

53) I know how to knit, and I actually do knit sometimes. The main reason I don’t knit more is a time issue, not a masculinity issue.

54) I also know how to decorate a cake, but I don’t do that because it’s just more trouble that it’s worth.

55) Martha Stewart is my domestic idol. I try to achieve Martha-like perfection in all domestic endeavors. I fall hopelessly short most of the time, but it’s something to work for.

56) I have lots and lots of shoes. Jay makes fun of me because of my shoe collection. But hey—I always have just the right shoe for any outfit, so I don’t care.

57) I have had five girlfriends in my life. Four of them are out-and-proud lesbians now, and the fifth one I’ve lost touch with.

58) I’ve had considerably more boyfriends. I’m not going to count them here.

59) Jason is a private person, and doesn't like it when I write about him in my blog. Therefore, I changed number 59 from what it originally said to what you are currently reading. The original number 59 will be a mystery to all of you, unless you can find a cached version of this page, and good luck with that, my friends.

60) I do not deal with slow drivers very well. I am patient in many things in life, but being stuck in a line of traffic behind someone who is going 7 mph drives me nuts. I think it’s inconsiderate not to move at a reasonable speed.

61) I also do not deal with people who are slow in the grocery store checkout lane. See number 60.

62) I am a pretty passionate person, and I express strong emotions often. I say that I am capable of emotional complexity. Jay calls me, “Rapid-cycling Matthew.”

63) I love animals. Sometimes, more than I like people. The only thing that I can’t forgive is people being cruel to animals. And if an animal is killed in a movie, I will walk out.

64) I have a tongue ring, a nipple ring, and four earrings. All relics from my crazy, drug-infested youth.

65) I want a tattoo, but I can’t decide what to get. In fact, I have wanted a tattoo for years, but I just can’t figure out what I want on my body forever.

66) I hate to travel. I do travel, because sometimes it’s required, but I hate it. I often have panic attacks in airports and border crossings, because I hate to travel so much. Jay calls these panic attacks, “Matt’s little freak-outs.” Happily, I am able to manage the panic and go where I need to go.

67) My favorite book is The Good Earth by Pearl Buck. I read it when I was a junior in high school. It’s still probably my favorite.

68) I have a black thumb when it comes to plants. I can’t even keep a houseplant alive for more than two months. Flower in a vase wilt with minutes of coming into my house. Maybe that’s a result of the witchcraft?

69) I am an only child. It has upsides and downsides, just like anything else.

70) In my life, I have shared living space with two people, Jason and my one college roommate, Erin Rubenstein. Sometimes, I wonder what happened to him.

71) My parents were married for 8 years before they had me.

72) My dad has been an employee of the same company since 1970. Back then, he worked for Michigan Bell, and then it was Ameritech, and now it’s SBC. He loves his job.

73) My mom has a master’s degree in English. She was a teacher for years. Now she is retired.

74) My mom and I both went to Michigan State University for our undergraduate degrees. We lived in the same dorm, although in changed somewhat in the 30 years between our respective matriculations.

75) My mom earned her master’s while I was in elementary school. I remember it pretty well. I think that growing up while my mom was working on her degree prepared me for grad school, believe it or not.

76) My number one career goal is someday to be “Matt Sweet, PhD.” I want people to call me “Dr. Sweet.” Just typing “Dr. Sweet” gives me goose bumps.

77) I am 6 feet tall, and I am the shortest man on my father’s side of the family. My dad is 6’2”, and he’s the next shortest. Jay did not believe me when I told him this, until he met my family.

78) My father’s family lives in and around a very small town in upstate Michigan called McBain. McBain was named after my great-great grandfather, Gillis McBain, who was the sheriff and president of the city council.

79) I’m not close with my father’s family, for many reasons. Not the least of which is the fear that they will shoot me in the back for being queer. Other reasons include the geographic distance between us and them, and my general dislike of iron-headed cowherds. That’s probably unfair. Not all of them are cowherds.

80) My mother’s family is very small. Sure, there are distant cousins in other states, but as for the people that we actually see more than once every 10 years, the number is small. In total, my mother’s family (including spouses and long-term partners) is 12 people. And six of those people live in other states, so family gatherings are usually just six people.

81) My family always goes out to eat for Thanksgiving. My mom says that it’s not a holiday if she has to cook and clean. I don’t blame her.

82) Other holidays are usually just my parents and me and Jay, since my aunt and uncle almost always go out of town for holidays. When I set a table to Christmas, I only need four place settings.

83) It seems kind of sad to have a really small family, but actually it’s cool.

84) I speak French, and I’m pretty good with languages. I studied French in college (even majored in it) and lived in France for a while. In fact, I’ve lived in France twice in my life, once in a small town called Tours and once in Paris.

85) The time I lived in Paris really, really sucked. Trust me—Paris is the city of shitty things happening to you. If you go to France, just get the hell out of Paris as fast as you can. The countryside is wonderful, and Paris is a hellhole.

84) I hate math. I’m actually not all that bad at it—when I took the GRE, I scored in the 97 percentile on the math portion. I just don’t like it.

85) I’m brutally honest most of the time. If I’m thinking something, odds are I’ll say it. Jason says I “wield the truth like a weapon.” Word.

86) I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. Which, if you’re looking in the DSM IV TR, you’ll find here: 296.3x Major Depressive Disorder, Recurrent, with Seasonal Pattern. I manage my SAD with St John’s Wort and Behavioral Therapy.

87) I hate overcast skies. I would rather have rain than have the sky look like the inside of a cheap Tupperware bowl.

88) I want to adopt children someday. Jay and I agree about this, although we disagree about gender and number. We’re hoping to start the adoption process within the next 5 years.

89) The thought of adopting children scares the tar out of me, even though I really want to parent.

90) My favorite sports are football, wrestling, hockey, and baseball. When I say wrestling I mean the Olympic style, although I will watch professional wrestling. I just don’t consider it a sport. I am slowly getting into basketball, which I hated for years.

91) I prefer college sports, and I always root for Michigan State and whoever is playing the University of Michigan. I will root for the Detroit teams, especially the Red Wings.

92) I like to play sports as well, although I’m not great at any given sport.

93) I want a motorcycle. Jay is convinced that I would kill myself within the first two minutes, and he’s probably right, which is why I don’t have one.

94) I sometimes get attached to clothing. I have a hooded sweatshirt that I’ve had forever, and I call it my “Magical Hoodie of Love.” I also have a leather jacket I got in high school, which I call “Spike.”

95) I love music, and I can play the piano and the bassoon. Don’t laugh. I was quite the bassoonist in high school and college. I even started at Michigan State with a major in music before I changed it to philosophy and French language. My grandmother taught me to play the piano. She was a professional piano teacher, and she also taught my mother. Someday I plan on teaching my children.

96) My grandmother also taught me how to sew, which is something that I’m not all that great at. Although, I do own a sewing machine that is packed away in the basement.

97) The first album I bought with my own money was by Twisted Sister. What does that say about me, I wonder? The second was by Madonna. After that I stopped keeping track.

98) Aside from the piercings that don’t come out, I almost never wear jewelry or a watch. I don’t like the way jewelry feels on me, and I have broken every watch I have ever worn.

99) I can spend all day in a office supply store, just wandering in the aisles and dreaming about how productive I could be if I had the right tools.

100) I am surprised how easy this was. I guess I can talk about myself all day long, if need be. I could easily come up with another 100 things, but I won’t.